What had been.

It’s been a year. The overwhelming event was that, through actions and failures of my own and the actions and failures of others, came about the destruction of the most intense love I’d ever felt, the most precious relationship I’d ever had. I understand everything about that, but what is a bit counter-intuitive is how feel now, within myself and for others. For one: I feel an old and dear friend has betrayed me, but that doesn’t make me trust people any less - if anything I feel like I want to trust my friends more. That doesn’t make sense, does it? For another: I opened and shared myself with someone in ways deeper and more profound that I had ever thought possible and in the end I was told it was not enough - and yet now I feel no urge to put up walls. How weird...to each of those two events I’m reacting in the opposite way I would expect - I’d have thought that betrayal and rejection would compel me to withdraw, it seems natural to recoil from pain, but no. I know and I feel all the hurt and stress of the past year and yet somehow I want more life; even though I know more pain may well come with it. I don’t know if that’s better or worse, wiser or more foolish...whatever it is, it’s me. I want much more of everything there is in this world. So here we are, another trip around the sun. Let’s go.