What is best in life.

Dad’s off the traction and they’ve secured his head-halo immobilizer to rods going down to this thick plastic vest that stabilizes and supports his neck. He’s going to wear this rig for the next six weeks, so to make it as bearable as possible under the vest is this thick layer of faux sheep skin, and the puffy white fur that ruffs out the edges of the vest, it’s so Conan The Barbarian. I thought if dad doesn’t make it we should keep him in the barbarian vest, wheel this bed out to the ocean, set it on fire and push him out onto the waves. Funny the kinds of things that cross your mind when you’re crying. Brain’s funny like that. Also crosses the mind while sobbing over dad: “Hey that cardiologist chick is way cute!”. Like I said - funny.

I cried most when trying to talk to him. It’s almost impossible to make words work when I’m crying. He can’t hear us, he’s been totally sedated for days, but it’s sposed to be good for everyone involved to keep talking. I wanted to tell him how much he means to me, how every good thing about me is from him and from mom, how thankful I am they’ve given me so much and always been here for me. I think I’m pretty good at life - I get on well with whatever happens, I have very few hangups, and I’ve never, ever had any issues with my parents. Seems most people have issues of varying significance with their parents, from the way some divorces happened, from things parents did or said in that delicate and tempestuous cauldron of growing up, but nope not my parents. My folks have never been anything but completely supportive - here have a college education, have a car, have whatever you need to make a good life and become the person we know you can be. They’ve never pushed me too hard, they’ve just stood quietly encouraging, reasonably suggesting what a good college major might be, happy to see me back from school, happy to see me go to the various jobs and cities I’ve lived. Totally positive and encouraging when I got laid off five years ago, we’re here if you need any money, of course you’ll find a new job soon, do you want to come out to LA for break, let’s take this opportunity to take stock of where you are and where you want to go. Dad was so happy on the phone when I told him I’d found this job, he sounded so proud of me What I mean to say is, I think I’m doing pretty well at life, and it’s easy to do well when you have the greatest dad and mom ever, who’ve always been there to give you everything you need, who have always been good and never bad. I wasn’t able to say all this when I was standing by his bed. I hope to be able to, next time I see him.