(no subject)

I just thought of a kitchen stovetop idea for yuppies who want to spend WAY too much money on their appliances: A variable geometry gas burner. Instead of one or two concentric rings of gas burners, make a grid of single gas nozzles, connected to sensors that detect the shape of the pan you’ve put down and light the necessary burners; square or circular or oval, the flame will uniformly cover the entire underside of the pan so you don’t have hot or cold spots. That would be the ridiculous version, because the engineering and maintenance involved in having 100 or more gas nozzles per burner would be just stupid. However, if you had, like, three concentric rings of piping, that would handle six to twelve inch pans really nicely. The pan-size sensing feature adds extra “ooh” factor for silly rich people.

This post brought to you by the Nest Thermostat and upcoming Nest smoke detector. Actually that's not true, because those Nest products actually fulfill a legitimate need and result in more efficient and safer homes. My awesome gas burner is just pure wankery.